Psalm 139:14 I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Last night as I was bathing 3 little children after a long afternoon of playing outside the Lord clearly spoke to my heart.  "You are so blessed to have these little guys and all the other ones I gave you"
   Was this an audible voice that I actually heard, I'm really not sure.  I heard it so clearly that I turned around for the slightest second thinking perhaps Sammy could have been there.  I know it was from the Lord.  I could totally feel the presence of the Holy Spirit (yes, while I am sitting on the edge of the toilet trying to bathe three wiggly kids all at the same time to save myself some time and effort) bring such peace to me at that moment.  I just sat there for a minute to watch them, to take in all their silliness and to just enjoy my youngest blessings.

   Is this something that I didn't already know.  Of course not!!  I thank the Lord every day for my children.  God completely knows where I am right now.  He understands it all.  I don't even have to say a word because he knows my heart.   I have spent many nights awake just trying to figure so much out and honestly my prayer time with him has increased drastically.  Even though he knows before I say a word in prayer.  He knows how thankful I am for all 7 of these with me and how grateful I am for the time I had with Daniel.    He also knows how heavy my heart has been lately thinking about what I think "should have been" this month.  I should have a one year old little baby boy this month!!!

   March is the month for chromosome awareness.  We were never told 100% if our baby had Trisomy 18.  We were told that he had all the markers they look for in a trisomy 18 baby.  We could have had an autopsy but really didn't want to put his little body through anything.  Although I know he had already passed on days before.  When you are faced with lots of decisions to make quickly at a time like that it's really hard to decide what to do.  It was just a personal thing for us to not have anything done with his body beside having the geneticist look at him and give her insights on what she thought.  We have no idea what day he would have actually been born on if the Lord had allowed him to live but compared to all our other births it would have been sometime around mid March.  We have no other birthdays in March and it is declared in our home as being Daniel's month.  March to me is bittersweet.  I love to see Spring coming but I also think of those  " should have been's".

   There are many families that have babies with all kinds of birth defects.  Many live and many will pass away long before they are born.  I am thankful that God gave us one of these special little ones.  Not that we would have ever planned it this way for our lives and our family but God had other plans.  If  Daniel had been born and the Lord had not healed him we know he would have had some major stuff wrong, one of his arms was not the way it should be and also the Spina Bifida plus probably other things we know nothing about.  We would have taken him gladly just the way he was and enjoyed every second with him but again God had other plans.  This has made my heart just a little more tender towards families that are going though this.  I always hated to hear of a pregnancy that went wrong but now I have an entirely different reaction.  All children regardless of  birth defects, wanted or unwanted by their parents are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.               

    Looking forward to Spring!!!!