I always love the start of a new year. A brand new planner, time to make new lists, a fresh start on school stuff. It's always so refreshing!! It's also a good time to look back on the last year and see where you were at, what God brought you through, blessings from the Lord and lessons learned too!!
So here I go- ONE of the biggest lessons I have learned this year is that people WILL let you down. This can cause deep pain. Sometimes people will actually turn on you so fast you can almost fill the wind blow by. It can come as a shock kinda like when you are running in one direction and unexpectedly you get a blow to the back, a kidney punch that stops you right there and then you have to get back up, shake it off and just keep going in the direction you were heading. You can't believe it has happened the pain is intense but you know eventually it won't hurt quite so bad. That's kinda how I felt near the end of this year. Unexpectedly I had a lot of time in the month of December where all I could do was sit and reflect on some things. I just didn't understand why I had to fall and cause a very painful injury to my shoulder so close to the busiest time of the year when I had all these plans and so much I wanted to do. My injury caused more work, money and stress for my sweet family. Not what was on the planner for December at all!! That sounds really childish and very selfish but actually I got a lot out of that experience. Did the Lord want to show me some things? Did it take an accident for me to slow down long enough for me to clearly see what I should have seen long before? I believe my eyes were opened and it was time for me to have to go through some things. This will make me stronger I know. The cold hard truth is that some people can be ugly and just plain mean to everyone they come in contact with. That's just their personality, sad but true. I should say 75% of people if you find yourself in the 25% that they seem to actually like then is that really where you want to be.? Just be sure you will be put in that 75% range soon enough. Hurt cuts deep, it causes anger, bitterness and a whole lot of other emotions. Hurt from people that should be loving you is awful. Then when it happens from different areas at the same time this just throws a double or even triple blow. And you know when they are making it so obvious that they must somehow be enjoying it. That is very dark and sad!! I've been dealing with all the hurt, pain, disappointment, shock anger and bitterness that comes after this. I know with the Lord's help I am past the anger and bitterness part. It was a hard place to be in. I'm on to the forgiveness now. Not because those that have caused the pain have asked for it. This will probably never happen and even if it does who knows if it will be sincere. I have forgiveness because I have to forgive. That's what God says!! True forgiveness is wonderful, I can't explain it but it is.
Even though the month of December was a tough time and reality hit me hard, it was also a good month too. It gave me a lot of extra time to see how much my husband cares about me. I already knew this but still, he went above and beyond to help do what I couldn't do. He stayed up with me night after night when I was in so much pain with my shoulder and arm I couldn't sleep at all. I know he was tired and worn out too. It was a busy time for him at work/church and then he had all the responsibilities that I usually take care of. Then with my hurt and disappointment with others, he was always ready to listen. I'm blessed to have him!! My older kids too showed us how they are not afraid to help out. Their lives don't revolve around spending time with everyone BUT their family or playing video games all day. I can't imagine what it would have been like for our family if they weren't so willing to help out wherever they were needed. At one point Morgan and Katie were going in every direction. Either helping here at the home or going to church with their Daddy and helping him with probably one of the busiest and sometimes most hectic months of the year. It also gave Josiah and Jacob the chance to step up and be awesome big brothers to their younger ones and also serve others in the family. And of course the younger three kept me entertained and loved on me too. We had friends go above and beyond to help us with food, meals and knowing they were praying for our family because we really needed it. Things happened that were totally unexpected and for that we are just so thankful!!
So as I re-read the above I realize that the blessings far outweigh the hurt and pain caused by some. There will always be painful times in our life. Right now I am seeing my way out of one. It it a much better place than being in the middle of all that. I have learned the hard way that people you have been through so much with and think they will always be there when you need them might just not be. And I've learned that's okay, this too will pass. Prayers in the middle of the night are usually better than sleep and keep us closer to who we should be closest too. There are so many other relationships and friendships to focus on. The Lord has blessed us with new friendships and opportunities, deep love in our family that so many don't have right now or may have never experienced and a chance to find a way to be a blessing to others. For this I am very thankful.
Hopefully soon I can do a recap of our 2013 year. We enjoy looking back on our blog. It's kind of like a family scrapbook. Also some of our goals and plans for the 2014 year. We will see if I can find the time. I hesitate with even posting this here. I know not many will see it but sharing openly and publicly isn't the easiest. We have had other people think we wouldn't understand about pain and hardships because they think our life must be easy and great. Well it is great but that doesn't mean it hasn't been full of some rough stuff too. I've written and re-written several things in my notebook during the last half of the month of December and first part of January. Those are very personal and long and it was a help to me to write those things out as I was feeling so many different things. That's not what I want this to be. Honestly It's just me being so glad I see my way out of a tunnel. I've been in these type tunnels before and it's so good to being coming out that going in. I heard a pastor once say that as a christian most of the time you are one of three places. Either in the middle of a "storm" coming out of one or heading into one. I wanted to disagree but the older I get I have to agree more. My favorite place to be is the peace after the storm. I know I can't always be in that place but I do enjoy it while I'm there. Peace from God is an awesome thing to have. I just want to say that I am so thankful that the Lord NEVER leaves us. I can't say I'm glad that all these things happened but I am thankful that I am going to make it.
