Last night as I was bathing 3 little children after a long afternoon of playing outside the Lord clearly spoke to my heart. "You are so blessed to have these little guys and all the other ones I gave you"
Was this an audible voice that I actually heard, I'm really not sure. I heard it so clearly that I turned around for the slightest second thinking perhaps Sammy could have been there. I know it was from the Lord. I could totally feel the presence of the Holy Spirit (yes, while I am sitting on the edge of the toilet trying to bathe three wiggly kids all at the same time to save myself some time and effort) bring such peace to me at that moment. I just sat there for a minute to watch them, to take in all their silliness and to just enjoy my youngest blessings.
Is this something that I didn't already know. Of course not!! I thank the Lord every day for my children. God completely knows where I am right now. He understands it all. I don't even have to say a word because he knows my heart. I have spent many nights awake just trying to figure so much out and honestly my prayer time with him has increased drastically. Even though he knows before I say a word in prayer. He knows how thankful I am for all 7 of these with me and how grateful I am for the time I had with Daniel. He also knows how heavy my heart has been lately thinking about what I think "should have been" this month. I should have a one year old little baby boy this month!!!
March is the month for chromosome awareness. We were never told 100% if our baby had Trisomy 18. We were told that he had all the markers they look for in a trisomy 18 baby. We could have had an autopsy but really didn't want to put his little body through anything. Although I know he had already passed on days before. When you are faced with lots of decisions to make quickly at a time like that it's really hard to decide what to do. It was just a personal thing for us to not have anything done with his body beside having the geneticist look at him and give her insights on what she thought. We have no idea what day he would have actually been born on if the Lord had allowed him to live but compared to all our other births it would have been sometime around mid March. We have no other birthdays in March and it is declared in our home as being Daniel's month. March to me is bittersweet. I love to see Spring coming but I also think of those " should have been's".
There are many families that have babies with all kinds of birth defects. Many live and many will pass away long before they are born. I am thankful that God gave us one of these special little ones. Not that we would have ever planned it this way for our lives and our family but God had other plans. If Daniel had been born and the Lord had not healed him we know he would have had some major stuff wrong, one of his arms was not the way it should be and also the Spina Bifida plus probably other things we know nothing about. We would have taken him gladly just the way he was and enjoyed every second with him but again God had other plans. This has made my heart just a little more tender towards families that are going though this. I always hated to hear of a pregnancy that went wrong but now I have an entirely different reaction. All children regardless of birth defects, wanted or unwanted by their parents are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
Looking forward to Spring!!!!
Not the end of the month I had planned on
I had planned to do a post on our highlights for January and February and then continue through the year. I thought it would be a great way to look back at the end of the year and see all we had enjoyed as a family. Then ALL my plans changed about Monday close to supper time. First it was Samuel he said he didn't feel good and became a spooky white/gray color. He has done this once before and kinda passes out going back and forth. Just enough to scare me to death. He was in pretty rough shape but seemed to be perking up by about 10 that night (not his usual bed time at all but he was sick). Sammy and the 3 older ones had planned on going to a music luncheon hosted by Keith and Krystin Getty in Nashville on Tuesday. I was going along with them with the younger ones, just not to the luncheon. We decided it might work out. Sometime in the middle on the night Sarah woke up and started running through the house yelling that Morgan was sick. I also heard the commotion too and knew we were ALL headed for a rough week. Sammy also got sick too. That's just the start though. By Thursday Sammy had really gotten worse so off to the doctor we go. She tested him for the flu. We thought we had missed the flu but I guess not. She also treated him for walking pneumonia. He need to improve greatly by Saturday or we needed to come back. I know he was feeling awful!!!! He had the flu 11 years ago and I think this was almost as bad as that, maybe even worse. Morgan and Samuel improved quickly but poor old Dad really took the worst of it. Stephen woke up Friday morning with a cough within a few hours he was throwing up. Considering he has never thrown up he got scared and ran so this made for a mess!!! I DO NOT CLEAN UP THROW-UP WELL!!! That's Sammy's job and I do a better job with dirty diapers. That's just how it is here, it works for us but he was in the bed and I knew he couldn't do it. So I had to do the clean-up, I'll just leave it at that. Sammy's fever finally broke in the night so that is some improvement. He feels awful and it's hard on him and the kids to know how sick Daddy is. Normally he gets sick and he can kick it with some Nyquil but it just didn't work this time. Stephen still feels yucky. I was so afraid that he had some kind of stomach thing going on but I have figured out that he is the type kid that throws up when the fever goes up quickly. We have a few like that and then a few who NEVER run a fever for anything. On top of all this the toilet has overflowed (major) 3 times and the kitchen sink was stopped up. When it became unstopped several gallons of yucky stinky water shot right out that had been in the sink. If I don't stop and take notes on how this week has been I will forget just how hard it was. I don't want to do that because I want to be more thankful on the good weeks. Not to mention I was desperate and we had fast food two nights in a row. I can say though that I am very thankful that everyone else seems to be okay and God has given us the strength to work together and take care of everyones needs. Now off to hand out the medicine and hopefully get everyone to TAKE A NAP!!!!!!!!!
Valentines Day and Bowling Fun
We celebrated Valentines Day for 2 days this year. Thursday night was our dinner with lots of different sweets and then on Friday afternoon Daddy decided to take the kids bowling. The older ones hadn't been in several years and this was the first time bowling for the younger 4. We had such a fun time and had the place almost all to ourselves. The one time I did decide to take a turn, no one managed to get a picture, and it was a STRIKE!!!! We decided bowling needs to go on our list of fun family things to do. A perfect thing to do during these long winter months. After several days of sickness it made for a great weekend that everyone really enjoyed!!!
Normal Life
Well it's just normal life going on. Needing to go to the store but REALLY dreading it. 5 of my 7 complaining of the same things and now fever on top of that. I thought we had escaped sickness for this season but I think we are heading for it full force. Thursdays are always long days. Sammy and Morgan get home late and then we love to hear about the music lessons. Last night they even surprised us with some late night pizza!!!! Morgan is up to 5 students and Sammy now has 7. They are trying to figure out spots to work in a few more without Morgan needing to go another day to the church. There are about 3 or 4 more that are wanting to start soon. This is true enjoyment to be able to pass on their love for music. If I only had some musical ability!!!! I don't even think lessons would help me. Oh well!!! Off to try to write out some plans for next weeks menu including a Valentines Feast!!! I'm thinking brownies, cupcakes, and maybe even cheesecake!!!
Family Worship
I used to let peoples ignorant comments bother me in regards to family worship, but not any more...I just give them the look:
An amazing doctors appointment
When I was driving home I had so much on my mind. What made him allow Sarah's birthmark, something we knew could cause her so many long term problems, basically just fade away. I know there are parents all over that are with their children in hospitals begging God to heal them from cancer and other afflictions. Just over a year ago we were praying for a healthy baby when we found out things were not what they should be for our Little Daniel. We just knew that he would be okay and we would have our sweet baby boy with us. God had other plans for Daniel. That was so hard for us but we know that God is Good, All the Time!!!!! In the future we may even have problems with this area on Sarah but I can say that we know that God is Good, All the Time!!! Yes, ALL the TIME!!!!!
As we think back we are so glad that we did not jump at surgery for Sarah when she was smaller. This would have meant many surgeries and much pain for our little girl. After much research from others that have gone through this we knew it would be a very lengthy and serious attempt to remove something so large.
Now to share a few pictures on where we were and how she is now. I had to add these. I love to have visual reminders. I also asked him about the texture of her hair and could that ever change. One side is slightly course and thicker and the other side is sort of fine and thin. He said that might just be a reminder of where she started out. Sounds good to us!!!!! We love her just the way she is!!!! We will continue to do follow ups with this doctor and a pediatric dermatologist as well as our pediatrician. We never want to get to a point where we take this for granted and also need to stay aware of what is going on with her head. Also sunscreen and hats will be very important too.
We are so thankful for all the prayers that have been said for our precious little girl!!! One day she will understand more of what today meant for us. All she was thinking about was that "white" ice cream I had promised her after the appointment!!!
I also wanted to add a link that talks about the type of surgery she would have needed. This is the expansion process of the skin with expanders. I know these are VERY DIFFICULT to see what a child would go through but this is the closest thing that I saw that was like Sarah's spot. This child had one a little closer to the front of the face. That was about the only difference I could see.
In Memory of Bonnie McGuire (our Mamaw)
Biography
Bonnie Mildred McGuire, 84, a resident of Cleveland, passed away Sunday, December 9, 2012 in a Chattanooga hospital. She was a member of Four Point Baptist Church. She had lived in Cleveland most of her life.She was preceded in death by her husband, James C. McGuire; daughter, Vickie Sue Kirby; daughter-in-law, Linda McKay Bunch; mother, Bertie Wilson; step-father, Bob Wilson; father, Sam Hill; sisters: Edna Morrow and husband Bit; Jewel Brown and husband Lee and Mary Ruth Hill; three brothers: Robert Hill, Fred Hill, Arnold Hill; half-brother, Sam Hill, Jr. and brother-in-law, Paul Hill.
She is survived by one daughter, Dolores Ann McCallister of Cleveland; two sons, Mitchell Bunch of NY and Larry Bunch and wife, Pam of Warsaw, NC; three granddaughters: Missy Parris and husband, Sammy of Cleveland, Rachael Bivens and husband, Jason of Cleveland and Aron Weinbach of NC; four grandsons: Jonah McCallister of Cleveland, Adam and Andrew Bunch, of NC and Brian Weinbach of GA; seven great grandchildren: Morgan, Katie, Josiah, Jacob, Sarah, Samuel and Stephen Parris; two sisters, Iola Hall and husband, Earl of Cleveland; Sammie Jean Starnes of GA; two special cousins, Reba Davenport and Betty Wiley and husband, Bob. Many nieces and nephews whom she loved; two half sisters and one half brother; one sister-in-law, Dean Dailey and one brother-in-law, Bill McGuire and wife, Mildred of Chattanooga and many friends.
Funeral services will be conducted at 2:00 P.M. Wednesday, December 12, 2012, in the chapel of Ralph Buckner Funeral Home with the Pastor Ray Cheatham officiating. Interment will follow in Sunset Memorial Gardens.
The family will receive friends from 5 to 8 P.M. Tuesday, December 11, 2012 at the funeral home.
We invite you to send a message of condolence and view the McGuire family guestbook at www.ralphbuckner.com.
Satisfaction
Are you satisfied where God has you now? Are you taking time to enjoy this "season" of your life.
Missy and I meet so many people, especially those that seem to have their heart's focused in the right direction, but very few people that seem satisfied to bloom where they are planted. They seem to always be reaching for something more, some adventure they haven't experienced yet.
Do you find yourself asking questions like: If only I had?, If only we could have done?, If we could only meet or experience?
Please beware! One of the enemies greatest tactics is to get you focused on the what if's and next you will experience great anxiety and let me remind you what the word says:
Phil 4:6, 7
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
John 14: 27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Are you settled?
I've had to learn the hard way sometimes in my life, but "Thank You Jesus" for this peaceful, satisfying "season" in my life.
Missy and I meet so many people, especially those that seem to have their heart's focused in the right direction, but very few people that seem satisfied to bloom where they are planted. They seem to always be reaching for something more, some adventure they haven't experienced yet.
Do you find yourself asking questions like: If only I had?, If only we could have done?, If we could only meet or experience?
Please beware! One of the enemies greatest tactics is to get you focused on the what if's and next you will experience great anxiety and let me remind you what the word says:
Phil 4:6, 7
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
John 14: 27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Are you settled?
I've had to learn the hard way sometimes in my life, but "Thank You Jesus" for this peaceful, satisfying "season" in my life.
This should make us all drop to our knees and pray. We need a 2 Chronicles 7:14 prayer.
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." Please join me in that prayer and stay informed. I invite everyone to watch by clicking the link below until Nov 4th.
God, some how some way, Bless America!
Watch Here
Convictions
Where do convictions come from? Are they something taught, felt, inherited? These are important questions in the life of a believer. I think the simple answer is yes to all 3 questions, but here is the crux for us to ponder on:
Convictions have to be grounded and proven in the Word of God. I can have a preference about a subject, but if I can't defend that with Scripture, then that is what it is; a preference.
Our Pastor is doing a series in Luke and we came to Chapter 14 Sunday. You know the story. Here's the KJV version of it:
Convictions have to be grounded and proven in the Word of God. I can have a preference about a subject, but if I can't defend that with Scripture, then that is what it is; a preference.
Our Pastor is doing a series in Luke and we came to Chapter 14 Sunday. You know the story. Here's the KJV version of it:
1
And
it came to pass, as he went into the house of one of the chief
Pharisees to eat bread on the sabbath day, that they watched him.
2
And, behold, there was a certain man before him which had the dropsy.
3
And Jesus answering spake unto the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath day?
4
And they held their peace. And he took him, and healed him, and let him go;
5
And
answered them, saying, Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen
into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day?
6
And they could not answer him again to these things.
7
And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them,
8
When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him;
9
And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room.
10
But
when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he
that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then
shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with
thee.
11
For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
You may ask me what this story has to do with convictions. Everything! You see Jesus was making the Religious leaders of that day look inwardly and not outwardly so the real them would come to the light, not the one in the suit. Those leaders of that day were not doing things from a heart-felt, Bible believing conviction, but because that was how they always had done things, and they loved looking righteous and important on the outside. The Pharisees looked good by all accounts, but Jesus could see straight through to the heart of their pride issue. He calls you and me to "humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God" and have convictions based on the truth set forth in God's Word, not because it's the latest christian fad, or because sister or brother so and so does it this way.
All convictions can be taught, felt, and inherited, but they better be confirmed and grounded in God's Word. Only He is our final authority.
Daniel's Music - Wind at My Back Series Intro
I will forever call this intro from Wind at My Back "Daniel's Music". When I was pregnant last year with Daniel he and I shared many long nights of me staying up and sewing when everyone else went to sleep. It was nice and peaceful in the house but I didn't like that it was COMPLETELY quiet. About the same time we had started watching a series from the library. There were many things I did like about it but also some things I didn't. What I did love though was the music for the intro. Sometimes when I would be sewing I would turn an episode on and not pay much attention to it but when it would go off the music would just play over and over till the play button was hit again. I remember sewing and feeling him move and knowing that he was the only one that was still up with me. It was our time together and I love that memory of him. I would think about all the different blankets, burp cloths, and bibs that I could make for him. I would stay up way to late but it was still nice to have some time to myself and to do some sewing projects.
Fast forward several months and Daniel was no longer with us. I had no desire to sew or watch any episodes of the show. Everything had changed. A few weeks before his actual due date in March I felt like I was doing pretty good. When someone would mention his name in the family I didn't bust out crying or get that sick throw up feeling. We had made our way back to the library and once again I checked out the DVDs and thought I would watch them again when I had a chance probably later in the evenings if I could find a few extra minutes. This was the week that I "should have" delivered our baby via c-section a week 39 just like I had the last 4 babies. As the kids were going to bed and I was going to lay down on the couch with Stephen to try and get him to sleep, one of the kids offered to turn on the TV for me and put on Wind at My Back. Never did I imagine the flood of emotions and sadness that would overtake me when I heard the music playing. All those nights of staying up late, just me and little Daniel, it was just too much. I quickly turned the DVD off and decided not to ever watch those again. That was 6 months ago!
A few days ago we made a trip to the library again. This summer we have made drastic changes in our television time. We went from a no cable-netflix only family to a no cable/NO NETFLIX family that enjoyed a good family movie on a Thursday or Friday night sometimes. Our trip to the library was for books but since it was the weekend we thought we would see if we could find a really good movie to watch. We didn't see anything that grabbed our attention so I said let's get a Wind at My Back season and we can watch a couple of their really funny episodes. I think the girls were surprised because they had heard me say how that music made me feel.
This is what makes me so thankful and full of joy. I can listen to that music and have my memories of Daniel without the deep pain. Yes I do still miss him and think of him every day but when I hear that beautiful music I am able to smile and cry at the same time. Strange!!! Crying because he isn't here with us and smiling because I did have him for those few short months. Now other things do still cause me pain, seeing a baby that would have been his age and sometimes when I see all the kids playing, running around and having fun I feel that pain of knowing there should be another one right there with them also Mothers Day Baby Dedication that was one thing I wish I had skipped. The loss of Daniel will always be with me but I am so thankful that I do have my good memories of him too. This is why I now consider this music to be "Daniel's Music" It has a very special meaning to me!!!
Eventually my plans are to journal everything about my pregnancy and delivery of our little boy. I don't want to only remember the sadness of our loss but to remember all the days that we had with him. I want to add a page to our blog of Daniel's story. I believe I will keep these pages private for the public. If though there is ever anyone who can be blessed by his story in some way I will gladly share this page with them. For now though I plan to add a little at a time about him. This is something that was on my heart today and I wanted to share it while my thoughts were fresh. We will always be thankful to God for the time that he gave us with him. To hear this our main music at the bottom of the page must be turned off.
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