Lots of Links

It's a busy Friday around here but I had to take time to mention 4 things:

Morgan has a new blog that she has been working on. It has a bit more of an "older girl" feel to it. 

It is so pretty and she has done such a good job with it. I only wish I could do things like this. 

Visit it HERE.

Our friends, The Munck Family are having a giveaway and they are also sharing about how their family made some changes to find simplicity, and a peaceful lifestyle. This would be a great DVD for any family to have. They also share about The Maxwell Family and the wonderful ministry that this family has. Visit their blog and giveaway HERE.

Moore Family Films have released several documentaries on The Family!  We have 3 of these and love them.  We bought these shortly after Daniel had passed away, and they were truly an encouragement to us.  Right now you can watch one for free during the month of April.  It is well worth your time.  We usually watch one of these at least once a week. They're having a special price right now and it would be a great investment at such a low price. There are lots of extras on the DVD that I actually find just as enjoyable to watch as much as the main part. The other movies they sell are just as good and we can't wait to see the next one.  

There is a link-up at Tesha's Treasures for anyone who has experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillborn, and the death of an older child. Tesha has found so many things online that are meant to help Moms and Dads with their grief. Somehow I came upon her blog one day and realized that we had both lost our little boys at about the same time. This link up tells of so many that have lost children of all ages. It has been hard to read, but it has shown me that I need to write down all the details of our time with Daniel. I don't want to forget anything about our short time with him. I will never forget him, but I want to be able to remember not only his passing, but those weeks that we had with him. The ultra sounds, hearing and seeing his little heartbeat for the first time, finding out by accident very early that he was our 5th son,  sharing with family and friends about him and all those exciting things that go along with finding out you have been blessed again with a baby.  These things I want to always treasure even though our time with him was so short.  

Alive!

5 months

5 months since I delivered Daniel. I went to sleep last night thinking about the date -29th-.  I dread when it comes every month.  Just more of a realization that we lost our sweet boy!  As hard as I try not to I feel a deep sadness when I think about this day.  I actually felt the sadness last night but was glad that I hadn't started the normal crying I have at night when I think about him.  Now though with waking up to early and a quiet house I find myself at this place again.  Grief is just odd!!!!  Just the slightest thing hits the wrong way and it all comes back.  Yesterday after a sweet phone call from a bereavement nurse my mind started wondering and all the whys started poking back up.  One of the biggest culprits I face is  Guilt- trying to figure out what we could have done to stop this, guilt of not having a big funeral, guilt of not taking it easy more during the pregnancy, guilt of not telling others quickly we were expecting again with the dread of what others would say, hearing negative comments or smart remarks that go along with birth announcements.  After thinking we lost him early on I didn't think I had the patience and love to extend to those with  a rude comment.  Guilt is a huge factor during grief I get that.  I've read it before but still didn't realize just how big till these past few months.  Of course Satan knows right where to get me! I just have to remind him and myself I have already worked all this out.  I know God is in control!!!  My plans were not his plans but I just keep telling myself each day God loves us.  I am not in control he is and instead of tears I WILL have joy!!!! 

Focus!!!

  I happened upon this song yesterday while looking for something else that I had heard on the radio.  Neither of the songs were similar but I was very glad that I found this one.  A great song to listen to not only for the beautiful music but also for anyone that has suffered loss of any kind and most of us have in some way.  I have some goals for the week that I plan to post and be able to review from time to time. I hope to be encouraged by any progress I might have.  By this time if things had gone the way we had hoped for we would now have our little boy.  This past Friday (comparing this to all my past c-sections and deliveries) we would have been at the hospital at 39 weeks delivering our baby boy.  Well my mind began to wonder this past week.  I had the feeling of anticipation of what should have been.  For weeks now I feel that we have been doing very well and learning to remember our baby without so much of the sadness but when I least expect it I personally feel that I have fell back into that pit.  The pit of self-pity, depression and the why's?  When I'm able to recognize it then it's time to dig myself out of that pit and come back to normal living.  I think this must be something that you don't even know has a hold of you until you're caught.  As well as too much hurrying from here to there makes it harder.  Feeling tired and overwhelmed, not how I want to be.  So I plan to start a list of goals.  Organizing and planning seem to be therapy for me.  As for my list in no certain order- Reading and memorizing scripture with the family.  Daddy does a great job with the family each night doing this but I would like to help the kids during our school day to memorize some passages together and also go back through the book of James again.  Our church is doing this in the ladies group but since I haven't been able to join in I thought we could just study this book together at home.  My older ones have memorized all the books of the Bible but reviewing this each day would be a help for everyone.  Plus Jacob has only memorized the books of the NT and we are about in the middle of the OT.  We have been doing a unit study on Ireland and we have learned so much and really enjoyed it.  My plans are to also start the Amanda Bennett studies for American Government, Elections and a few other things on that subject.  It will be the perfect year to do that!  We have made a huge change in our eating habits.  We have seen some big improvements in the way we feel and have had a fairly healthy winter season ( in comparison to some in the past) this has been a family effort and we have been educating ourselves in other ways of Natural Healthy Living.  The documentary Forks Over Knives was the push we needed to start making some changes but there is still plenty room for improvement.  Since the mornings are nice and cool and the afternoons are way too warm TOO SOON we will have to move around the school schedule to allow for outside time in the morning hours.  I hope to add a neighborhood walk to this too. Sewing- A true enjoyment- I have the fabric purchased for Sarah's dress and I plan on trying a new pattern for Easter.  We need to do some outdoor Spring pictures and I have a plan for the color coordinated outfits.  Morgan and Katie still need to pick out their skirts and tops and then we will be ready.  I hope to go back to the area we did Fall/Winter pictures at.  More house cleaning- we have moved the girls room around after being blessed with the gift of a beautiful girls bedroom set.  I still need to finish their curtains too.  This might take awhile.  Implementing a "stay at home date night".  This might be a good thing to do on Wed. nights after Sammy gets home from church and the kids are already in bed.  Something good to munch on enjoying spending time with each other.  I have missed my husband lately with our boys doing Upward Basketball and him coaching two teams this has made for Tuesday nights being taken up and then a very hectic Saturday.  I know Josiah and Jacob and Morgan (assistant to her Daddy) have enjoyed it but I am looking forward to taking back our Saturdays.  There is plenty of yard work to do and maybe a few day trips here and there.  Also we started reading a series a while back but got off track so maybe we can start on this again it will line up perfect with our study of Ireland.  Also some long range personal goals-I have everything I need to try soap making if I can just get the nerve up to try it.  We have planted some different berry bushes and hope they do well.  Morgan is wanting to try a small garden and I am hoping to grow a few herbs.  Starting small and seeing how I do with these.  Drink more water and drop some weight (always a good wish for me) but not to stress over it.  And a big dream of ours would be to do more singing as a family with me not doing any singing just being an encourager.  Daddy and the kids are always singing and learning new stuff on the piano and guitar.  This is truly a gift and needs to be used.  Back at Christmas some of the kids at church went to an elderly unit and sang for them.  It was such  a blessing for them and the kids.  I would love for our family to reach out to the men and women in the nursing homes and sing and play for them.  I'm sure it would be a great time for all of us and a ministry for our family to do together.  Also a good way to spend some of our Saturdays.  Now I just need to take the initiative and find a place that has a need for this type of outreach.  Fellowship time- I have great plans on inviting friends over but need to follow through.  This is an area that needs much improvement.  Painting- It seems there is always an area that needs some new paint.  Starting with the foyer and stairs and then moving on to the bigger area.  This is a big to do list but I plan to start slowly- key words DO NOT STRESS!!!                                                     

The Wissmann Family...

The Wissmann family will be at Phillipi Baptist Church in Cleveland TN, February 4th at 7:00pm. We have seen them in concert once before and the music was wonderful, so if any of you live around the area please come and hear the Wissmanns in concert you will not be disappointed!!!

The Tennessee Aquarium

On New Years Eve our family went to the Tennessee Aquarium.  It had been about 10 years since our last visit so there were many changes and improvements.  We weren't really sure how the 3 little ones would do but they had a wonderful time.  Tickets compliments of Daddy's brother and his wife.  We surprised the kids too!  It was a great little visit.

SOME THINGS I'VE LEARNED

These are some things that I have known to be true but now more than ever I can say that yes, children are a blessing!  Yes,  I would love to have more blessings!  No, I'm not crazy to say this (scared but not crazy)!  Never ever take those trips to the doctor for granted.  You are not guaranteed a healthy baby just because all the other ones were.  Death is real and it is SAD and it is HARD.  The loss of a child is worse than I ever imagined it could be even at 19 weeks.  Time makes things a bit easier even though the loss is still there and it still hurts deeply.  Life is hard to understand but God is merciful and gives me grace for the day. I fail miserably at being a wife and Mom but my desire is still there.  My desire to teach my kids to Love the Lord.   To Love God and follow him, the most important thing!!!!  To be an example to really live what I say that's the hard part.  To be respectful to my husband, to be patient with 7 needy people, to love others and help my husband as much as I can in the ministry he is in.  That's the hard part too. I'm not the best housekeeper or the best cook or the best friend or for that matter just fill in the blank with tons of stuff but I desire to improve!  Not just sit and dwell on it but to actually do better and improve.  I've got lots of work ahead of me.  Now to pull out all those "self help" books I love to read!  I'm coming up on 15 years of being a stay at home Mom!  Wow!!!!  Can't believe it has been that long.  Can't believe all those times I have complained and griped about this or that when I should have been praising God for allowing me to stay home and growing our family.  Not that I haven't been thankful but I just need to express that thanks to him more than complaining over such petty unimportant things.  After 15 years I look back and see how blessed I am.   I hope to grow this year in my relationship with God through prayer and Bible reading, to grow closer to my husband who is a wonderful leader in our home and to love on my sweet little and big ones that I get to spend each day with.   My life might be looked at as boring, stressful, uneventful but what I see is love, contentment, joy, fun, never dull and never ever boring.  Simplicity at its best!  So thankful for a simple joyful life!   

Are you lonely?

http://www.amothersheritage.com/2012/01/03/are-you-lonely/  I just read this a bit earlier and wanted to put this link on here to refer back to.  It is a beautiful example of a loving Mother/Daughter (or daughters) relationship. 

You know you live in the country when......

Deer graze in your front yard!!!

More posts coming soon.

Forever In Our Hearts

A December Hello!

In the middle of us trying to "fix up" our blog I decided to make it go as private so that we could work on it without everyone seeing it look weird.  Not knowing when and if we will ever find the time to finish what we wanted to do we decided to open it back up for viewing.  Now a big apology to our friend and family who have told me that they miss seeing pictures of the kids on here.  We would love to keep things very current and always have lots of pictures and updates.  We started blogging when I realized I didn't have the time to scrapbook anymore.  It was so easy to just put pictures on here and I have really enjoyed looking back with the kids at family pictures from a few years ago.  That is what I thought a blog was supposed to be about.  When the school year started we decided we would post all our fun and educational stuff on our homeschool page so we could look back year after year and remember all we did related to school or actually related to life  in general.  Then comes August with a stressful pregnancy and before I knew it September had rolled on by and we were well into October.  As I was starting to feel better and trying to manage daily life around here the unimaginable happened and we found out that our sweet baby had passed away.  For days and even weeks everything was a blur.  I kept thinking is this what grief is I don't believe I am actually going through the "grieving process"  but now as I look back at it I was right in the thick of it and just didn't know it.  I've had much time on my hands with sleeplessness so I have jumped right back into reading blogs about others, I think just so I could momentarily forget the pain I was filling.  Something funny I have come to realize is that there are at least a million blogs out there that talk about being a godly woman and mother but I just can't read them all after a while it becomes boring with the same old stuff, not that I don't want to be a godly wife and mother.  There is a lot of good info out there but what I plan to do is just go back to a few of those encouraging women that help point others in the right direction.  I've listed a few of my favorite well know blogs in the past.  There are many to read but I must plan my time wisely.  So for me I will try AGAIN to guard my time.    I will read those few I found years ago and also people that I know "in real life" not just blog world. I have read that some people stay on the computer for hours all day long.  And just like now at least 10-15 minutes are gone that I should have been making cookies.  So off to make cookies and enjoy these last few days before another Christmas has passed.